Short Story | Baggage by Paul Kane

Our lovely Writers Reading guest from Friday Paul Kane has allowed Un:Bound to post a short story. He also featured on Everybody's Reading with an excellent piece about the sense of place, where he talked about setting books in his local area the East Midlands.

Many thanks again to Paul for letting us use this and please check out his website for more on this Dark Fantasy and Horror author.

________________________

Baggage by Paul Kane

He was just carrying around too much baggage, that was the problem.
It was worrying Nicholas, even right now. If this worked one out the way he thought, he’d give up completely on finding any kind of happiness. Resolve himself to a life of being alone.
That was what had motivated him to start looking in the first place; that he’d probably end his days sad and lonely; no wife, no kids. Nothing. If he could only make some kind of a relationship work, then-

It wasn’t so easy, though, was it? Nicholas couldn’t help feeling bitter about his previous failures – especially those in his youth. It wasn’t as if he was hideous or anything, in fact he’d been told he was quite attractive. He was just incredibly shy, and liked to treat girls with respect. Inevitably, that had led to them either taking him for what little money he had… or taking him for granted.



Even those he’d thought were nice had stabbed him in the back. Take Julie, for instance, back when he was twenty-one – and still a virgin, though he did his best to hide it. They’d worked together at the supermarket, and he’d been sweet on her for so long. She’d kept him dangling, saying they should just be friends. On the rebound, however, she’d dragged him out to buy her drinks one night, then dragged him back to her place. He hadn’t been able to hide his inexperience then; couldn’t conceal the fact he was terrified. And when he asked her if she was really sure, that she’d always said they should just be mates, she’d taken it as an insult and told him to get out. The next day, he was the butt of all the jokes at the store, while Julie had already moved on to her next conquest.

He’d learned from this mistake, but it hadn’t been any better once he’d finally popped his cherry. Nicholas treated all the women he’d dated well, and what had he got in return? “You’re just too... nice,” they told him. “Too clingy. I need my space...” At the same time they accepted all the nights out he paid for, all the gifts. It drove him to spend years not bothering with the opposite sex for fear of getting hurt.

But man wasn’t meant to live by himself, so every now and again he’d get drawn back into the fray. It was easier than ever now the internet was around. He’d found himself surfing the date sites in his spare time, signing up for free and checking out who might be a suitable match. The first time he’d found what he thought was a nice woman – liked to spend cosy nights in, watching movies – he’d bucked up the courage to mail her, then hadn’t even received a response. Despondent, he’d kept away from the site for a fortnight... before finally receiving an email to say he’d had a reply.

Valerie had been away on holiday when he mailed, and yes of course she’d like to talk more. She’d seemed ideal, but when they actually came to meet it had been a disaster. Not on his part – it never was – but because she wasn’t what she’d said at all. Turns out she liked nightclubs and picking up blokes by the dozen... she hadn’t been on holiday either, she’d been in contact with at least a dozen men on that same site (and Lord knows how many others on different ones).

Reluctantly, and in desperation, he’d tried a few more profiles, each one more disastrous then the last. GSOH? You’d need one to cope with all the catastrophes: most didn’t know what they wanted from a man (or from life in general), others were just plain crazy. Some had lasted a few days, others a few weeks, but inevitably he got the same response he had out there in the real world. Towards the end, and now seeing 40 approaching like the edge of a cliff, he’d also been getting a new brush off: “You’re just carrying too much baggage.” He’d ask them what they meant, and they’d tell him they could see it on him – like he was dragging around the weight of all those romantic fiascos. You get to a certain age, it’s only natural for a person to have some history. Right?
Not as much as him, apparently.

In a strop, he’d given up. Closed all his accounts and walked away from the whole scene. Then another one of those damned emails had arrived in his inbox. From Date-a-Match, the one site he must have overlooked – perhaps one of the first he ever signed up for, way back. ‘Gina’ had read his profile and wanted to chat. She was new to the area and it seemed like they might have things in common. Nicholas’ finger had hovered over the delete button, but something had made him click ‘open’ instead. To his amazement, he found himself clicking on the link to her profile.

No picture, but his eyes scanned over the words: ‘Honest and loyal’ (yeah, he’d heard that before), ‘looking for that special someone’ (doesn’t exist) and ‘had been hurt in the past’ (hasn’t everyone?). In spite of the fact that last line rang warning bells, said she might be on the rebound just like Julie, Nicholas mailed her back and they struck up a conversation. Like him, she was giving it one last try. Fresh city, fresh start and all that. Nicholas found himself warming to her... They actually did seem quite compatible, and eventually she gave him her mobile number. He rang it and they ended up chatting for three hours.... about everything and anything. Forgetting himself, Nicholas found a huge grin appearing on his face as they revealed more and more of themselves, the guards slowly dropping. What he was hearing in Gina was a kindred spirit. Someone who appeared to have suffered just as badly as him on the dating scene.
“I can’t explain it,” she told him. “None of it makes any sense to me.” It could have been him talking.

Now they’d arranged to meet, at a local wine bar one Saturday afternoon. Gina was late and Nicholas feared the worst. That was what set him thinking about the ‘baggage’ problem. Whether Gina would see it, just like the others – realise he was a bad bet and just walk back out of the door. He hadn’t even thought about how she might look yet. She’d seen his picture on his profile, but he hadn’t seen one of her...
Thankfully, when she arrived, apologising for being late – she’d been doing some more unpacking and lost track of time – she was exactly how he’d pictured her.
Her beam when she sat down at the table lit up the whole room, and when she kissed Nicholas on the cheek he felt tingly all over. Again, they sat and talked, and the afternoon fell away. Nicholas found himself opening up to her about his previous attempts at dating, even laughing at some of the most painful memories.

“Sometimes I worry,” Gina said, playing with her long, dark hair and taking a sip of the Chardonnay he’d bought her, “that nothing will ever work out all right. Don’t you?”
Nicholas nodded, taking a drink of his lager. Then he looked at her, concerned he was putting out those vibes again: that she’d see he was carrying too much baggage; that he was damaged goods. Then she said it: “I’m always being told I hold on to too much from my past... You know, from the guys who hurt me.”
And that was it. That was the moment he knew Gina was the woman for him. A female version of him, in fact.
That was when he began to fall for her...
Before they knew it, the barman was calling last orders and Gina looked at him, a little the worse for wear after her wines. “I don’t usually... I’m quite a cautious person, but... well, my... my place isn’t too far away if you want to come back for a coffee... maybe?” She smiled again, but it was a nervous one.

Don’t do it, he thought to himself... Don’t ruin things by asking if she’s sure. He remembered Julie, and although it had probably been a good thing in the long run he still thought to himself... ‘what if?’ But he was a different person now, why shouldn’t he go back with Gina?
“Look, it doesn’t matter,” she said, smile fading.
“Yes,” he replied, a bit too quickly now. “That would be lovely.”
The smiled returned.
So they got a cab back to her home, a rented two bedroom that was slightly further away than she’d implied. “Ignore the mess, won’t you? I’m still getting straight,” she said, leading the way inside. He would have said “What mess?” but it was pretty cluttered. Gina had been right when she said she was still in the middle of unpacking stuff. There were boxes and bags everywhere.

She told him to wait in the living room, while she fixed that coffee. He hadn’t expected an actual drink, but was glad when she went off to the kitchen. It gave him time to calm down a little. He knew things were going way too fast, but for once in his life he was willing to take that chance.
For Gina, only for her.
When she sat next to him on the sofa, the tentative kiss that followed felt natural. Like something that was meant to happen. “Hmm... that was nice,” he said. The Nicholas suddenly realised he really needed to pee; the coffee mixed with lager had gone right through him. “Hold that thought,” he said, excusing himself with another kiss. Gina nodded, relaxing back on the sofa.

Looking for the bathroom, he made a wrong turn, stumbling into another small room instead. He’d flicked the light on before he realised, noting more bags and crates. The spare room obviously, where Gina had dumped the worst of the detritus from the move. He was about to flick the light off again when Nicholas caught sight of something. One of the holdalls closest to him was open a fraction. Maybe it was his imagination, or the drink, but he thought he saw a finger sticking out.
Nicholas frowned, moving forwards. Wanting to reassure himself that it couldn’t be, then needing to see more when he realised he was right. His own fingers shook as he reached out for the zip, but before he could pull it down he looked past the bag to another one beyond. There was the tip of a foot emerging from that one; toes clearly visible. Next to that was a closed suitcase, but there were tufts of hair trapped where it had been closed.
He didn’t need to open that first zip now, because he knew what was inside. The sickly-sweet smell of air freshener alone, which Nicholas was now aware of, gave it away. Masking another smell entirely. It made him cough. Now he knew why Gina was usually such a cautious person.
“I told you to ignore the mess,” he heard from behind. “What a terrible shame...”
Whirling around, he saw Gina with a kitchen knife in her hand. Then suddenly she was plunging it into his chest. He looked down, mouth open... all he could think was, at least it wasn’t in his back.
“I knew it was too good to be true, that sooner or later you’d discover just how much baggage I was carrying from my past. It’s probably just as well, Nicholas; they all end in disasters, my relationships. Better to strike first, before I get stabbed in the heart... Too bad; I was beginning to like living here, as well.”
Nicholas shook his head as he stumbled backwards and fell. It could have been different for them... Might have worked out...
Christ, what was he saying?
“I’m sorry,” she said, blood dripping from her knife. There were genuine tears in her eyes, but no trace of that smile. “I really, really am. I honestly thought... no, it doesn’t matter.”
Nicholas’ eyes, conversely, were bone dry. From the floor where he lay, staring up at her, one thought was nagging at him; still he was wondering what might have been.
If he could find anything positive about the fact that he was dying, it was this: Gina, it seemed, was fated to live with all of her previous encounters. Couldn’t part with it, no matter what. And he would soon add to her burden, his body crammed into a bag, suitcase or crate. Ironically, it would probably be the longest relationship he’d ever have with a woman... especially now.

Gina had so much baggage, but she’d actually done him a favour.
Because now, as the darkness took him, Nicholas realised he had finally, at last, been freed from his own...
Forever.